When Life Gives You Lemons

Trying to make the most out of infertility, and life in general. This is my journey to conceive, after a miscarriage and D&C that left me with Asherman's Syndrome.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Why Aren't My Boobs Bigger?

I don't mean to ask that in the general sense. I'm rather average-breasted. But I'm now 4 days post IUI, and I'm pretty sure I've ovulated, so why aren't the puppies barking? Last month, my breasts were sore for what felt like weeks, when in actually it was probably only 2 weeks. I think the soreness started pretty much right after ovulation? So where's that feeling now? I cant' help but read into every sign, or lack thereof, and assume this means I'm not pregnant this time around. Which is fine, I think. We'll try IUI again if this time didn't work. Of course saying and believing it are two different things. I really want to be pregnant. I cant' stand waiting. I keep thinking my child should be 4 + months now or at least I should be pregnant and giving birth imminently. It's so unfair. But back to my breasts. Why do they feel totally normal?

Oh, and yesterday I got a call from the latest dermatologist I decided to see, just for a regular mole check. Turns out he found something called an atypical melanocyte in one of the moles he removed from my upper arm. Great. Just fuckin great. Just wait I need right now. Possible melanoma. And here I was supposed to be all calm and relaxed, trying to stay positive knowing I'm doing IUI and I'm cultivating this state of calm. Yeah, that's a joke. I've cried twice yesterday, once to B on the phone and once to myself , when I first got the news. And today I teared up again. I know it might turn out to be nothing - my mom had a few melanoma scares and everything turned out ok. But given my shitty luck when it comes to all matters health related, I'm slowly mentally preparing myself for the worst. Tomorrow I go back to Dr. S's office for another blood test. It's basically to check my progesterone level (will they know if I'm pregnant 5 days post IUI?!?!?) but also to re-check my prolactin levels. My recent blood work pre IUI just came back yesterday, and the bloodwork showed that I had elevated prolactin. I understand what this means in pregnant women, but I'm not pregnant and this news is just cruel. Could this have been a result from Clomid medication prior to IUI? I read online that some symptoms include lack of ovulation, but I've been ovulating just fine (albeit late this last cycle pre IUI). I am a medical mystery. I need to find a new dermatologist. The guy I went to skeeved me bigtime. He had a really unpleasant bedside manner, making me feel like a fish filet he was gutting. He turned me this way and that, arms flayling. No sympathy for my infertiltiy sobs. No words of advice or encouragement. Oh, and he told me I have yeast on my face and that's why I'm breaking out. Huh - what the fuck? I can't process this all now. Ok, off to acupuncture to be poked with needles.

1 Comments:

  • At 3:53 PM, Anonymous Nikole said…

    When will you know if it is truly melanoma?

    I'm hoping that it turns out to be nothing serious.

    As for progesterone levels, it typically peaks at 7 dpo, so I'm suprised they're not waiting until then to test it. But hey, I have no MD behind my name. I don't think a beta (pregnancy test) would show anything at 5 dpo, and progesterone level doesn't indicate pregnancy. If this is your first "medicated" cycle, they are probably checking your progesterone level to see the effect of the meds. I think that for a medicated cycle, they look for a number over 15 (or is it 10--darn, my brain isn't working so well). In pregnancy, my RE likes to see a progesterone level of at least 20.

    I hope this cycle works for you. Good luck!

     

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