When Life Gives You Lemons

Trying to make the most out of infertility, and life in general. This is my journey to conceive, after a miscarriage and D&C that left me with Asherman's Syndrome.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

The anticipation of seeing red

This cycle didn't work, I just know it. I'm on cd23, and my breasts aren't tender, I'm not peeing constantly and I smell nothing. I know, lots of people don't have any pregnancy symptoms, but I just have this gut feeling. My period must soon be approaching. In a way, it would be a relief. I can start over next cycle and be less anxious about the IUI having been through it once already. I can stop feeling guilty about that one piece of sushi I had on cd15. I just hope AF comes on in full force.

The thing with Ashermans is that every month I'm on pins and needles waiting to see if AF arrives and if she'll be forceful and strong in her flow, or light and weak like the past few months. Each month I am terrified that I have re-scarred and that I'll again have all of the signs of a period without the flow. Gone are the days when I dreaded my period as a teenager because it interfered with my swimming or travel schedule or was just an inconvenience. Gone are the days of TTC when I dreaded getting my period, reminding me I was still un-pregnant. If I don't get my period I would hope it's because I "fell" pregnant, not because I have re-scarred.

Is there a light at the end of this tunnel? Or is the tunnel too blocked up with scar tissue to allow anything to flow in or out? I feel like my head is all over the place and I can't even think or write clearly. Too many hormones are swimming around in my brain.

Oh, and my prolactin did indeed come up as elevated. So now I have to take Dostinex twice a week to control this until I get a positive preg. test. My internist wants me to go for an MRI to rule out a pituitary tumor. Don't they realize I'm a hypochondriac, and saying things like tumor and MRI to someone like me is just cause for more alarm? I'm trying to take this one day at a time but this isn't helping me.

2 Comments:

  • At 4:13 PM, Anonymous Lisa said…

    I'll be thinking about you and checking in to see how things are going. I was not that familiar with Asherman's and appreciate your links. The torment you must go through each month is unimaginable. I wish you all the best.

     
  • At 3:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hey girl - same boat!!

     

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