When Life Gives You Lemons

Trying to make the most out of infertility, and life in general. This is my journey to conceive, after a miscarriage and D&C that left me with Asherman's Syndrome.

Friday, October 27, 2006

First ultrasound, 5w3d

I had my first u/s today. There is only one gestational sac, which frankly is enough for me. It seems to have implanted in the upper fundus part of my uterus, which is good. Hopefully it will keep far far away from the remaining scarring in my lower cervix area. My RE delivered this news, but did it matter of factly. He still hasn't said congrats or anything to that extent. I feel a little insulted but I know he's a good doctor and I can't hold it against him that's he's more scientific and less warm & fuzzy. I guess I'd rather know the facts from him then get the exclamations of joy, which I can get from my family and friends. I just can't help feeling that it's a little impersonal. I'm carrying a baby after all, not a statistic for their success rates.

My hcg levels are 19,000 (at 24 days post IUI) but my progesterone has dropped again slightly to 21. I feel absolutely fine. I have zero pregnancy symptoms, except I fell asleep last night at 8:30 (but woke up at 11:30 for 2 hours). Maybe I was just really bored by the episode of Ugly Betty I was watching. That show is cute. It's completely watchable but it's not riveting. So I can't attribute my tiredness to pregnancy. I'm always tired, but usually I can muster through bad TV. I know it sounds crazy, but I would prefer to be vomiting all the time so I know something is alive in there. Is it weird to pray for constant nausea? My mom said she never had any morning sickness, so I might not either. But I really want it. B and I have taken to calling this baby JuneBug (or JB for short) b/c if all goes well, we hope our little bug will be joining our family in late June. So I just keep rubbing my belly and telling JB to stay in there and grow. I've already gotten attached to this thing which is scary. I don't want to set myself up for another heartbreak. I go back next Friday for another u/s where hopefully I'll see a fetal pole and heartbeat. Until then, I'm trying to focus on my job. Now that I got this promotion I really need to prove myself and give 100% yet all I want to do is space out and read blogs at work but real responsibilities are calling.

I'm really excited about the weekend. We are having dinner with good friends tonight, and then doing absolutely nothing the rest of the weekend, which is exactly what I want to do. I need to clean out my closets and put away my summer clothes. It's freakin cold in NY all of a sudden so I need to dog out my warm wintery clothes. I also want to catch up on movies and go grocery shopping - things I love but never have time for. I am really looking forward to a weekend of no commitments and plans, where we can just chill out and decide to do something on a moment's notice. Hopefully this will take my mind off of obsessing about this pregnancy and worrying if everything is going well in there.

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