I’m back from my hiatus (pg mentioned)

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, too long in fact. Mostly, it’s because I’ve been so swamped at work. There’s been a lot of turn over in my department. My assistant resigned 2 weeks ago, so I’m a madwoman trying to find a replacement. Then last week ,my colleague/co worker/counterpart resigned, bringing my 6 person department down to 4. I’m also in the final stages of pursuing a new job, with a lot of great potential but a lot more responsibility. So needless to say it’s been pretty busy in my world. We also just got back from a week’s vacation in Florida, which was part business for B, part pleasure. My parents are down there, so it was nice to see them and spend time with them.

Now, the fertility update. I don’t really know how this happened (well, scientifically I have an idea) but I’m pregnant! I mean really, pregnant…4 weeks as of today!

We ended up doing another IUI this cycle, only it was un-medicated. I figured since we were told to take the previous month off and have fun on our own, it couldn’t hurt to do the ‘ole sperm injected directly into the ute thing. So we did and IUI and I ovulated 14 days ago supposedly, although I didn’t believe it b/c I was still using an OPK and it said my peak fertility days were days 19 and 20 – not day 17 which was the day of the IUI. My lining looked good (a whopping 9 mm on its own, without any fertility hormones) and the day of the IUI, my cervical mucus came pouring out of me in buckets. Seriously, more CM I’ve ever seen in my life.

I have had ZERO pregnancy symptoms, and zero early signs, which I know can also mean nothing because it’s after all, early. I had resisted the urge to test but I was scheduled to go into to see my OB today for a regular check up, and asked in the event that I was pregnant, is it safe to have a regular Pap exam? So she did a urine test (BFP!!) and took blood work (Progesterone: 24.2, HCG/Beta 242). So I guess this is for real, at least for now. Oh, and she said it was fine to do the Pap. She said it was perfectly safe and if I did end up miscarrying, it wouldn't be b/c of the Pap. I hope she's right.

The weird thing is that B said he had a dream last week while we were on vacation in Miami that he got a text message on his cell phone that said "pregnant". He had never gotten a pregnancy dream before. After I left the OB’s office this morning, I texted him on his cell with the word “Pregnant!” Just like his dream. He of course didn't get my message so I told him over the phone. He's in shock as well. We never thought this day would come.

I'm on cloud nine, but also terrified and the same time. I just hope this pregnancy is viable and sticks around for 9-ish months. My head is spinning. I am still having a hard time accepting that this is for real. We're going to try our hardest to keep our big mouths (well, mine b/c mine is bigger) shut and just keep telling people we are “working on it” when they ask us for a fertility status check. Unless my Mom asks. I can’t lie to her but my Mom is also ultra superstitious so she won't tell a soul, not even my Dad who has a big mouth like his daughter. I just keep telling myself if I can get this far (4 weeks) at least I know the remaining scarring in my lower ute/cervix is minimal enough to allow something to get through so all hope isn't lost yet. I have to accept that I’m really pregnant and think positive thoughts and roll with it without getting too anxious and stressed out. But I promise you this, I’ll never forget where I cam from. The scarlet badge of infertility is so ingrained in my system that I will make myself appreciate each day that I get to be pregnant. I can’t say I’ll enjoy it – I’m too fearful of loss to let myself enjoy this but, I’ll jump for joy at every cramp and wave of nausea, and I’ll always think of my friends (both actual people I know and blogland friends) and hope their journeys to parenthood are quick and rewarding.

On that note, I miss you all and I promise to be checking back in on everyone in my downtime this week. And I go back to my RE on Thursday for another Beta. All appendages are crossed that the numbers double.