When Life Gives You Lemons

Trying to make the most out of infertility, and life in general. This is my journey to conceive, after a miscarriage and D&C that left me with Asherman's Syndrome.

Monday, August 07, 2006

More stupid things that people say

So I came home from work on Friday to find B and our pooch across the hall at our neighbor's apartment. The neighbors have an 8 month old baby, and the baby is obsessed with our dog. I walked into the neighbor's apartment, and was greeted with a big smile. She took one look at me in my tight-ish summery dress and asked me if I was expecting and smiled at me with this big stupid grin. Now of course I'm not pregnant. I'm just bloated, crampy, achy, and that makes me look about 3 months along. So I told her I wasn't and instantly felt stupid, like I had something to apologize for. she couldn't' think of anything to say, which was probably best. So I hung out there for about 5 minutes and then walked out and back to my own apartment, crying. B followed behind me and reminded me that she didn't mean to upset me. People just have no couth. I can't blame this neighbor for making me upset but in this day and age, you'd think people would learn to be more sensitive.

It just sucks when someone says something with the best of intentions, but doesn't realize how hurtful their comment is. It reminds me of the time a few months ago when I had a woman at work fired for saying something stupid/pregnancy related. Long story short, I work in a building that requires all employees to walk through a metal detector when they first walk into the building. One afternoon, I was returning from lunch with a few co-workers, and one of the security guards who works the metal detector asked if she could ask me a question. I said sure and she asked me if I was pregnant. I responded with a resounding no, and she proceeded to debate me on the subject, in front of my co-workers/friends. She said, "are you sure, because you should know that we don't let pregnant women walk through the metal detectors." I said, "yes, I'm sure." And she actually responded with, "well, you're starting to get a little big around the middle." Needless to say, I took this up with HR and she was soon reassigned to another company. Are people really that stupid to say things like that? I mean first of all, even if I were pregnant, it would be perfectly safe for me to walk through the metal detector. This was something that concerned me when I actually was pregnant for those precious 6 weeks last summer, so I investigated. Second, who actually says "are you sure" and debates someone on the status of their pregnancy. Just because I've been eating nothing but bagels and muffins non stop for a year doesn't make me pregnant. Having a booty doesn't make me pregnant. There's nothing worse than being accused of being pregnant when it's what you want most but yet seems so unattainable. For the record, this security guard was a large woman. She should be the last person to be insinuating someone was pregnant when really they just had a date with their bagel that morning.

On a side note, B and I went to a wedding last night. We had a great time, and were dancing to Michael Jackson's Wanna Be Startin' Something. I love that song. I was having fun singing along, until the following lyric burst out of me

If you can't have a baby (Yeah, Yeah)
Then don't have a baby (Yeah, Yeah)


What do you think the gloved one was trying to tell me? Then I looked up the lyric this morning and realized I had it al wrong. It's actually

If you can't Feed yor baby (Yeah, Yeah)
Then don't have a baby (Yeah, Yeah)

I'm a moron. It clearly shows where my head is at. Everything is relative to the fact that I can't have a baby. This feels very all consuming, even though my HSG last week showed a nice, healthy looking uterus (or what B and I have dubbed my 'cuterus' - b/c it's just so cute. haha).

This isn't related, but Kris's post about the concept of waiting was just too beautiful, so I had to share.

9 Comments:

  • At 2:58 PM, Anonymous Nikole said…

    Ugh. Those comments are horrible. I'm so sorry. It amazes me that people still feel like it's okay to ask if someone is expecting because they're a little round around the middle or have put on weight. COME ON. You just don't ask that. You don't.

    Big hug!

     
  • At 5:03 PM, Blogger The Town Criers said…

    I'm so sorry that you neighbour said that. And it sucks because there's no way to explain to her why you were hurt without...well...explaining to her everything.

    I once had a parent arrive for a parent-teacher conference and he said, "I think a congratulations are in order." And I'm standing there stupidly grinning and I say, "why?" So of course he goes...

    Him: You're pregnant!
    Me: Uh...no...I'm not pregnant.
    Him: I can clearly see that you're pregnant! How far along are you? 4 months? 5 months?
    Me: No, really, I'm not pregnant.
    Him: Why are you lying about it? You're showing!

    No, dumb-ass. I'm injecting medications into my stomach that are making me bloat. So, yes, I do look pregnant. But, no, like I said the first time, I'm not.

    Hee-ah! Karate chop to his neck.
    I wish.

     
  • At 5:54 PM, Anonymous annmarie said…

    I do not understand why people feel the need to ask that question. If you didn't announce it or hint at it, people should just shut up. I'm so sorry these things happened.

     
  • At 8:43 AM, Anonymous Jennie said…

    Oh my Gosh, people's stupidity still continue to shock and appal me.

    Ok, even before I was aware about miscarriage & IF I Never asked someone if they were pregnant! Never!

    Note to the world:

    If someone doesn't tell you that they are pregnant, either they don't want you to know and it's none of your business, OR, maybe just maybe they AREN'T pregnant.

    Do people just loose the concept that other people have the right to gain weight without being examined.

    You know, this makes me so mad that you had to endure this, I'm having trouble putting it into words.

    I'm so glad that you reported the one woman to HR, you should be proud of yourself for standing up for what you know is right.

     
  • At 10:49 AM, Blogger soralis said…

    I can't belive that people actually ask that? I would be afraid of offending someone, in case they weren't PG.

    Take care

     
  • At 2:03 PM, Blogger aah0424 said…

    It is so infuriating when people feel the need to actually ASK if you're pregnant! I would never think to ask someone that question even before I was TTC for fear that they may not be and I've offended them. It makes it doubly hard when you are desperatly wanting it and it's this terrible reminder that you aren't. I'm sorry that happened to you!

     
  • At 8:27 PM, Blogger Kris said…

    Once I was out for a hike and I was just wearing a baggy tee shirt and shorts when we ran into a friend of H's who commented that his wife was pregnant, too. I just kind of stared at him and didn't respond. And I enjoyed every second of his discomfort as he tried to get his foot out of his mouth. I also had a friend who still had her baby weight and she was very sensitive about it... she had someone congratulate her on her second pregnancy. She was really hurt and embarassed.

    People.Are.So.Stupid. Aside from the rudeness of speculating on something so personal, to go a step further and DEBATE you on the subject? Ugh!

    Thank you for the compliment of linking my post here.

     
  • At 4:48 AM, Anonymous l said…

    I CANT BELIEVE HOW PEOPLE ARE THESES DAYS. NOBODY HAS NO RIGHT TO ASK YOU IF YOUR PREGNANT. IT'S NONE OF THERE BUSINESS. AND THAT WOULD AFFEND ME FOR REAL. NOING ME I WOULD HAVE CUSSED THEM WOMEN OUT. & good for you for getting that women fired


    HAPPY NEW YEAR & GOD BLESS

     
  • At 4:49 AM, Anonymous lexie said…

    I CANT BELIEVE HOW PEOPLE ARE THESES DAYS. NOBODY HAS NO RIGHT TO ASK YOU IF YOUR PREGNANT. IT'S NONE OF THERE BUSINESS. AND THAT WOULD AFFEND ME FOR REAL. NOING ME I WOULD HAVE CUSSED THEM WOMEN OUT. & good for you for getting that women fired


    HAPPY NEW YEAR & GOD BLESS

     

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