When Life Gives You Lemons

Trying to make the most out of infertility, and life in general. This is my journey to conceive, after a miscarriage and D&C that left me with Asherman's Syndrome.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

13 weeks

My apologies to all that I haven't posted in ages. It's been a busy few weeks. I've been swamped at work (always a good excuse). Mostly, I have been too nervous to post any information for fear that the second I say it out loud, or in writing, this pregnancy will be taken away from me. Also, I know I have a few "real" friends who've been reading along and sharing in my ups and downs, and I found out that apparently more "real" friends than I thought have been reading my blog. So I needed to take time off because I wasn't officially ready to share the news. Plus, I wanted to be the one to sort of announce this myself, in my own way, when I was good and ready.

I've officially hit 13 weeks as of yesterday. Of course that only means I'm 13 weeks in terms of counting from my LMP. I haven't been to the OB for a check up since 11w3d, but I go back tomorrow. So in my mind I can't count myself 13 weeks until someone or something (ultrasound) confirms that. Please please let everything be ok in there. My last appointment was at 11w3d and was my nuchal translucency. All went well. They didn't give me the specific results (the "you have 1 out of x" chances results) but the ultrasound Dr. said things looked good to her so far. The little beaner was swimming around in there and at one point his/her hand was above the head, as if he/she were waving hi to us. It was pretty cute. My OB's office said the results were normal so I'm guessing this means no need for further testing via CVS or amnio. I'm sure she'll go over the results with me in more detail tomorrow.

Also, I realized I had been counting from 2 weeks post IUI but not from the first date of my LMP, so they changed my records and moved up my due date by 2 days to June 24. It makes no difference, except I was measuring exactly 11w 5d at my nuchal, which is where I should be if you count from my period and not my IUI. Not that 2 days matter much in the grand scheme. It just makes no sense to me to measure from the date of my LMP if I know exactly when I ovulated and had my IUI (and a week's worth of amazing sex). The MFM group who did my nuchal said I can go back at 14+ weeks to them for an initial anatomy and that they'd follow up at 17 and 20 weeks to check placenta, and cervical measurement. The ultrasound Dr. said my placenta did lie low a little on the ultrasound but there's plenty of time for it to move so I shouldn't worry. She also disagreed with my OB and she thinks all of my procedures do put me at higher risk for Incompetent Cervix but that's why she wants to monitor it in conjunction with my OB and do cervical measurements more frequently. I still feel good physically and I guess I just got lucky with my lack of symptoms. Except for lower back pain on one side, which I guess could be sciatica, I feel good. I've never had sciatica before but my self diagnosis tell me that's what this is. I'm definitely showing. I had a big belly to begin with but now the upper portion of my belly has popped. Hopefully that's a good sign and that means growth is happening in there on a regular basis.

What makes me nervous is that I just don't feel pregnant at all and I still feel like I'm infertile. It's hard to accept that this is real and I'll probably feel this was all the way through the 37-40 week pregnancy if I'm lucky enough to make it that far. It's so hard with Ashermans - getting pregnant is only half the battle, staying pregnant seems to be so tough and I get so upset when I read of people losing their pregnancies at 18, 20, 22 weeks,etc. I'm obviously upset for them but also really scared for myself. And this has been pretty common with Asherman's lately. I'm on an Asherman's support group and there's been so much bad news lately of losses. Of course it's heavily balanced with good news of pregnancies and healthy baby deliveries, but I'm a glass is half empty gal so it's hard not to focus on that. I have no reason to think anything will go wrong with me…I'm just paranoid and given all I've been through I can't stop being a complete stress case.

So that's the latest and greatest. For the "real" friends, I guess I'm officially outed. My secret is no longer a secret. For the blog friends, I thank you for your continued support, for the emails and comments checking in on me, and for being a dedicated bunch of folks who keep me sane throughout all of this. I'm still scared to share the info with real people I know in my life but I guess anything can happen at any time so I might as well come clean. I'll try to update following my OB appointment tomorrow morning. It feels good to be back in blogland!

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