When Life Gives You Lemons

Trying to make the most out of infertility, and life in general. This is my journey to conceive, after a miscarriage and D&C that left me with Asherman's Syndrome.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Half-Baked Baby

Its so crazy that I'm at 20 weeks this week. As one of my friends said to me, my baby is now half-baked. I think that just sounds funny. I had my 20 week check up at the OB on Tuesday. They didn't do an u/s but confirmed there was a ticker still beating away in there via Doppler. So I am a little more assured now that I’ve made it halfway through my pregnancy. I would feel better if I had any movement but hopefully that will come soon enough. I was hoping that despite the anterior placenta I had been diagnosed with earlier, I would still feel some activity but I guess not.

I’m still pretty much enjoying a symptom-free pregnancy, with a few glitches. My OB mentioned to me this week that my blood pressure was really low at my appt. It was 90/40. I've never had it that low before. I usually have normal pressure and most times its actually slightly elevated a Dr's appt's b/c I have Dr’s appt. related anxiety. So I was concerned and can't shake it. I went to "Dr. Google" and started reading all these scary studies about how low blood pressure leads to stillbirth. My OB said it's nothing to worry about - it might have to do with the way I'm retaining water. I don't feel dizzy or light headed or anything like that - just tired from not getting a good night's sleep (my only pregnancy related symptom/complaint). I've been getting leg crams nonstop, whether I sleep on my left or right side and I get up about 5 times /night to stretch and flex my toes. Also, I finally gained some weight. I am now 7lbs above my base weight and it's a 4+ lbs gain in 4 weeks. So I feel a bit better. I think all of my actual weight will just come on in the end. I do have this huge belly and I am really enjoying it. People say I look skinnier than I've looked in a long time, just with this basketball in the middle of me. One of my friends actually said to me last night that I am a cute pregnant person, which is very sweet and makes me feel good. I’m big enough now to be obviously pregnant looking, and last week someone looked me up and down on the subway and offered me their seat. And this is with my heavy winter coat on, b/c it’s damn freezing in NY. B took pictures of my belly this week and we sent them to my parents. They were laughing hysterically. They live in Florida and aren’t getting the joy of seeing me pregnant in person so this picture was their first taste of their daughter looking obviously pregnant. It was very cute – they called me immediately after receiving the picture to laugh and say how happy this makes them. I’m hoping they are able to come to visit in April for Passover and they can rub the Buddha belly in person.

I have to say, if I make it through this pregnancy process with a healthy baby in tow, I can honestly say I'm enjoying being pregnant. My OB also said that at this point, she considers me a pretty low risk pregnancy, which I guess is good. Truthfully I would still rather be high risk b/c I feel like they would be watching me more carefully. But she said at this point my having Ashermans is a non factor in my pregnancy - assuming I don't have placenta issues. I have my big anatomy scan next week so I am looking forward to that. I know they will re-check my cervix, and hopefully check the placenta and try to rule out placenta accreta, although it might be too soon for that.

In some respects, I can't believe how quickly time is flying by but then every day also seems incredibly long. I’m also having all these mixed emotions, knowing that if our first pregnancy had worked out, Id’ be celebrating my kid’s first birthday this weekend. As much as I try to remove this thought from my head, it’s hard because I get these constant reminders in the mail about ways to decorate for the first birthday party, stages of food my baby should be on, etc. Word to the wise – don’t sign up for babycenter, or if you do , don’t give then your mailing address. I have tried to throw these things away without evening opening the envelope. I would have thought being pregnant would make all of these sad emotions go away, but really they still linger. Everyone says by 20 weeks you should feel comfortable and secure in the pregnancy, and I’m just not there yet. I’ve heard one too many horror stories and know of people who have had late term losses. I’m too antsy to shop for anything baby related, or look into pediatricians, or really commit to anything because I don’t want to jinx this. But then I stat to worry that this will make me a poor, unprepared parent. I guess I’m having a hard time balancing my superstitious side with my rational sense of what I need to do in advance while I have the time and energy.

Someone recently asked me if I’ve had any cravings while pregnant. The easy answer is no. I haven’t had any cravings at all. The only thing I crave is security and a positive outlook, and that seems well beyond my reach. I hope by the third trimester the fears will subside and I’ll feel more confident that things will work out for us. I really hope this feeling “kicks” in soon, pun intended.

9 Comments:

  • At 7:20 AM, Blogger dawnatello said…

    That is great that you pregonancy is going so well I am happy to hear that as mine has been a little but of hell from the beginning and I hate being pregnant!!

    I have had sickness til month 5 and then it was replaced with indigestion. Then intermittment bleeding since week 12ish and no sex, no activity, no lifting.

    Then cramping and spotting and a week's bedrest. Recently I sprained my ankle and was on crutches and now have a denegenerating fibroid.

    I hope the last 11 weeks are the best!! And I am hopeful.

    I didn t feel baby m ove much til week 22ish I think then by 26 moving all the time. It is a neato feeling, the best part of pregnancy.

    Anyway good luck with everything!!

     
  • At 3:56 AM, Blogger Thalia said…

    I'm delighted to hear you are a cute pregnant woman. I have the feeling that if I get that far i will just look like a barrage balloon!

     
  • At 1:45 PM, Blogger Jennifer said…

    security and a positive outlook...good things to ask for.

     
  • At 4:29 PM, Anonymous Julia said…

    Some unsolicited advice: just remember that an ultrasound isn't definitive for placental problems. It does help (oddly enough) that yours is in the front because that will make it easier to visualize with ultrasound. My specialist recommends waiting until 33 weeks or so to get a firm answer because accreta/increta/percreta can form late in the pregnancy and can't be ruled out until then. And MRI is always the best way to go to know for absolute sure.

    And a bit more: Don't cheat yourself of enjoying this one. You can't jinx it. If something goes wrong, holding back won't help you feel better; and if it all goes right, you'll wish you'd really enjoyed the pregnancy.

    Hang in there, kiddo!

     
  • At 11:21 AM, Blogger soralis said…

    Glad to hear you are enjoying your PG. I am half baked along with you, only I am not doing so well in the enjoyment dept due to m/s!

    Hope you feel those kicks soon too!

    Take care

     
  • At 6:17 PM, Blogger lifeviewer said…

    i'm impress how strong you are, how sensitive you seem...

    i think you're gonna be a good mom!
    and i would have had a mom like you...

    i bless your future baby!

    kisses
    i'll be reading you

     
  • At 9:33 AM, Blogger The Town Criers said…

    I'm so happy that you're more than halfway though. Try to hang in there. It is hard--it's hard to stop and breathe and believe. But like Julia said, enjoy this because once the baby is here, you can't go backwards and enjoy the pregnancy. And you can't jinx it with hope.

     
  • At 6:05 AM, Blogger dawnatello said…

    i hope everything is ok as last post was in feb.

     
  • At 3:33 PM, Blogger Murray said…

    Hey,

    Would love to get an update. Hope all is well!

     

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